Afraid of Failure

With the self-imposed importance I placed on this match, I was afraid -- terrified to be honest.  I felt like winning was the only option and that losing would be a resounding failure. I could envision the red “F” stamped on my forehead.  To win, I thought everything had to be flawless, and logically this led me to worry unnecessarily. When are we ever perfect?  What if my best isn’t good enough?  These and other daunting questions continually clouded my mind.  Bearing responsibility for a loss also weighed me down. Anxiety over this match was getting the best of me...restricting me.  The fear I encountered was enveloping me like a full body cast, making it increasingly difficult to play.  My muscles were tight, and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stiffen.  My racquet might as well have been an oversized sledgehammer.  I had no control.  Striving for flawlessness made me so stressed, I made more errors as I changed the game I was accustomed to practicing.

             Throughout the match I made desperate attempts to break free from the rigid fear that engulfed me.  There was only one way by which I would be able to chisel away at this cast.  I recounted the short but invaluable quote that my coach often recited: “It is better to play to win than to play not to lose.”  Even though I embraced this sentiment, the fear did not spontaneously dissipate from my mind.  Still, from this point in the match forward I played with a different kind of fear, not fear of losing but rather fear that I would not play to my full potential.  Just this slight shift released enough of my game to allow me to shake off some of my small errors and enabled me to proceed to do whatever it took to win --  even though it might not have been perfect.