Fueling The Furnace

Tennis is an extremely mental sport, and for me controlling and focusing my mental energy in a positive way was always a struggle.   This match was particularly heavy because of the title at stake. On many levels, I needed it. In my mind, winning the title would validate my dedication to tennis and my talent as a player. A title would give me stature. I surmised that even though I was a junior, this was my best shot at winning since I had a partner whose playing style complemented mine and who brought a certain mental toughness to the court, an attitude I was trying to adopt.  However, knowing all this before I stepped onto the court made no difference.  Time and again I swung with a stiff arm and would miss shots or make careless errors. The errors were eating away at my self-belief. Too many of my balls flew into the net or way past the baseline. The frustration was unbearable and made me doubt myself to the point where I began to wonder whether I should leave the court and not embarrass myself further. I had the ability to hit a 125 mph serve and set my partner up, but I was looping it in and turning him into a target for the other team’s return.

My partner said, “I thought we wanted this! I thought we were going to fight for it! They aren’t gonna give it to us. PLAY!!!!” He was a senior, and this was his last chance. The only thing keeping me on the court was my partner counting on me to do my job, and part of this job included preventing my mental inferno from spreading to him.  I heard my family and team on the sidelines rooting for me. I realized they all believed in me, and I had to believe in myself. I had to be strong in all senses of the word. I began to suppress the fire of frustration that was suffocating my game, but despite my efforts I was still left with simmering embers of anger, frustration and agitation. Somehow I figured out how to use this to fuel my serve, my approach shot and my overhead. POWER UP!  I continued the rest of the match determined to prevail and embraced the true reason I was on the court, to have fun.